Month: August 2020

Last week, a dear friend and close neighbor passed away. Our family has been fortunate to live directly across the street from Bernice Greenberg a”h and her beloved husband Mishel a”h for over 15 years.   Like so many others who have departed this world over the past six months, many friends and admirers who would have surely attended her funeral were unable to do so, under the current circumstances. While no words could adequately capture a life of 96 years, I feel the need to share personal thoughts of tribute.

Mrs. Greenberg was an incredibly unique individual. She was an accomplished artist who displayed profound creativity in every context and through her insightful lens was able to reflect a fresh perspective in virtually every conversation.  She was relatable to so many individuals, regardless of their ethnicity, background, or age. She had a wonderful and charming wit and a simple, yet pronounced, sense of humor.

There is one particular characteristic though that I would like to highlight in this tribute to her. During the almost 20 years that I had the fortune of knowing Mrs. Greenberg, she did not age at all. If anything, as time went on, she seemed to get younger, rather than older. While she may have not had the physical vigor at the age of 95 that she did at 75, her spirit was always young, her outlook always fresh, and she was forever playful and engaging.  While aging is a fact of life and the physical toll it takes is not subject to one’s personal initiative nor input, Mrs. Greenberg made the conscious choice to remain, always and forever, young at heart. She sought opportunities that enabled her to experience life in a way that she had never before. She cherished moments in which she was able to be inspired and enlightened, even, if not especially, by individuals far less experienced than she.  She took great delight when experiencing new discoveries about herself, her family, her community, and her heritage.  Rather than feeling confused or frustrated, disgruntled or disappointed, her eyes and heart lit up with wonder and amazement whenever she was able to discover something she had never noticed before.

Yet, what inspired me most about Mrs. Greenberg was her insatiable desire to learn and to grow.  On countless occasions, she shared with me how fortunate and blessed she felt to have been offered the opportunity to access many new outlets and channels for Torah study later in life. At times she would exclaim how proud she was to have become a serious student of Torah around the time of her 80^th birthday.  There was hardly a text that did not inspire her, nor a Torah subject that did not fascinate her. She had a genuine thirst to grow through Torah and to learn more about the universe and its Creator.

There is one particular moment that I will never forget. Our shul, like many others, offers programming for parents and children to come together and study Torah. “Parent-child learning” programs (on temporary hiatus, given the current state of global affairs) are typically populated by young children, escorted by one or both of their parents. While there is no official cutoff age, I do not recall seeing many kids post bar/bat mitzvah age, regularly participate in this program.

But, one particular chilly Motzei Shabbat last January, Mrs. Greenberg escorted her daughter Ellen and the two of them joined the crowd of other parents and children at our parent-child learning event.   With a pirkei avot in hand, Mrs. Greenberg immersed herself in an ancient text, while surrounded by parents and children, several generations younger. Her presence that evening was a powerful testament and memorable lesson to everyone in the room. During that sacred moment, suffused by a powerful quest to connect with Torah, there was no generation gap to be seen. Mrs. Greenberg’s face radiated with the innocent curiosity of a young girl, excited to experience something transcendent, as if for the very first time.

In Shemot (33:11), the Torah describes Yehoshua as a “נער” (lad) even though he was 56 years old at the time.  Rav Avrohom Sorotzkin z”l explains that this is an apt description for Yehoshua, for although he was an experienced mature adult, he possessed the curiosity for wisdom and the desire to grow as if he were still a child. It is for this reason why he was selected to become the successor to Moshe Rabbeinu.  This unique characteristic should be one of the defining qualities of each and every Jew. In fact, the Ba’al Haturim explains that it is for this reason that the keruvim, whose powerful images rest on top of the Aron, possess the faces of children. This image is to remind each and every one of us how essential it is to always strive to grow and mature regardless of our age.

Mrs. Greenberg lived 96 years on this earth. That is four years shy of a century. Yet I hope to always remember her as the one who taught me that regardless of the date on one’s birth certificate, we can always choose to remain forever young.

“You go first.” “No, you go first.” Does it really matter who goes first? It depends, I suppose, on the context, circumstances, and personalities.  At times, granting another the right-of-way or, in other situations, offering to take the lead, are gestures which reflect both thoughtfulness and grace. At other times, showing initiative and taking the first step may be the most effective way of facilitating an end to the gridlock that often disrupts and frustrates our interpersonal relationships.

As Elul begins, it may be worthwhile to consider the value of taking the first step and showing initiative. It is well known that our rabbis have sought to capture the special quality of the month of Elul, by noting its association to the pasuk, “אני לדודי ודודי לי”, “I am to my Beloved and my Beloved is to me.”[1]  On the surface, this formulation highlights the special relationship that exists between God and the Jewish people, reflecting an important feature of the month of Elul. As we make our way closer to the Aseres Yemei Teshuva, we remind ourselves of this special relationship, in an attempt to motivate and incentivize greater effort and attention in the weeks ahead.

The Sfas Emes[2] suggests a much deeper message contained within this verse.  On Rosh Hashanah, God makes His annual “appearance” to the world.  On the day in which we coronate God as King of all kings, He emerges and appears, availing Himself to each and every one of us.  By visiting the world in this way, Hashem demonstrates his commitment to mankind, as well as His love for the Jewish people.  The date of his arrival is scheduled and the precise time is predetermined.  On the first of the month of Tishrei, we experience the fulfillment of “ודודי לי”, my Beloved is to me. But rather than wait for Tishrei to begin in order for God to first reestablish our weakened connection, we deliberately choose to initiate that process; to preempt, as it were, God’s imminent arrival. Throughout the month of Elul, it is we who take the first steps towards repairing that which has been broken and restoring our fractured relationship.  We do not wait for the moment of God’s revelation, for the remarkable display of “ודודי לי”.  Rather, we inaugurate this glorious season by showing initiative; by demonstrating “אני לדודי”, first and foremost – I am to my Beloved.  After taking the first step and after displaying our initiative – then “ודודי לי”, my Beloved is to me.

If demonstrating initiative within the realm of one’s relationship with God is indeed beneficial, it would seem as if much could also be gained by similarly applying ourselves in our interpersonal relationships. There is a common tendency that many of us have to procrastinate and postpone uncomfortable conversations that must take place.  We continuously defer such encounters, in the hopes that they will be initiated by the other. This proclivity reflects a natural aversion to awkward moments and difficult discussions.  While this tendency may be natural, it is appropriate for us to challenge ourselves and acknowledge that we can do better. It behooves us to recognize that to initiate a conversation which leaves one feeling vulnerable and exposed is, in and of itself, of great spiritual value, particularly during the season of repentance.  Taking the first step towards reconciliation is often awkward, painful, and, at times, even humiliating.  These feelings, while understandably uncomfortable, better enable us to achieve the proper state of mind during the days of awe.

In one month, we will all be paid a very special visit. Thankfully, our Visitor generously informs us of His itinerary prior to His arrival.  Rather than show up unexpectedly, He provides us with an incredibly generous opportunity to prepare and ready ourselves for this extraordinary experience. The month of Elul is a gift with profound potential. But, like most gifts, it is up to the recipient to choose if and how it is to be properly utilized. The gift of Elul has been delivered.  It is now for us to decide whether to take full advantage of this opportunity and initiate the process that is scheduled to begin.

“You go first.” “No, you go first.” Does it really matter who goes first? Sometimes actually, it does.

 

 

[1] Shir Hashirim 6:3

[2] Elul, 5661